Thanks, M & M. I should say that my job offer back west is pretty good—a five-year guarantee to teach what I love—so it's not the worst of fates. And the school here knows what that offer was, so they know they'll have to approximate it. Either way, I won't be stressing about finding steady work for, well, adulthood. But the combination of a deep aversion to being uprooted/change and genuinely loving this city makes the possibility unnerving. I suspect that that will sway the Boss to some degree, but even I know that that can't be the primary argument. As I said, the deal we struck a couple decades ago was that her career would guide us, which has been entirely sensible and successful, so ethically I can't weasel out now if she believes returning is better for her career.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
Thanks, M & M. I should say that my job offer back west is pretty good—a five-year guarantee to teach what I love—so it's not the worst of fates. And the school here knows what that offer was, so they know they'll have to approximate it. Either way, I won't be stressing about finding steady work for, well, adulthood. But the combination of a deep aversion to being uprooted/change and genuinely loving this city makes the possibility unnerving. I suspect that that will sway the Boss to some degree, but even I know that that can't be the primary argument. As I said, the deal we struck a couple decades ago was that her career would guide us, which has been entirely sensible and successful, so ethically I can't weasel out now if she believes returning is better for her career.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
In this case, for B the offers are both good, but would focus on different things (I won't go into details). It depends on how she sees the senior part of her career, what she wants to accomplish. It's fortunate that my own opinion about how I see this stage of her career also fits with staying here. But, well, it is her life and if she disagrees, I could never begrudge her that.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
I don't have any sage advice, just hoping things turn out well.
Thanks as well. I'm hopeful that if I can get a comparable offer from here, I'll have a shot—that is, I assume the Boss hasn't actually made up her mind and we're just going thru the motions. But if she's decided that I have to get as good a deal and I don't, well, I don't think I'll be able to swing it. And I did tell the dean when I first met him that I want to stay, but I'll need something in my back pocket to persuade B.
Well, we've now established the most extreme possibility.
Come on now that hat would suit you and might impress B.
Whether the gun or the hat are more foreign to me is a poser.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
Thanks, M & M. I should say that my job offer back west is pretty good—a five-year guarantee to teach what I love—so it's not the worst of fates. And the school here knows what that offer was, so they know they'll have to approximate it. Either way, I won't be stressing about finding steady work for, well, adulthood. But the combination of a deep aversion to being uprooted/change and genuinely loving this city makes the possibility unnerving. I suspect that that will sway the Boss to some degree, but even I know that that can't be the primary argument. As I said, the deal we struck a couple decades ago was that her career would guide us, which has been entirely sensible and successful, so ethically I can't weasel out now if she believes returning is better for her career.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
In this case, for B the offers are both good, but would focus on different things (I won't go into details). It depends on how she sees the senior part of her career, what she wants to accomplish. It's fortunate that my own opinion about how I see this stage of her career also fits with staying here. But, well, it is her life and if she disagrees, I could never begrudge her that.
Ask her what her ‘why’ is that should give you the answer.
My existence will be decided today. The Boss and I each have job offers to return to Saskatchewan, she has her counter to stay here and I have a meeting to hear the counter for me. Then we find out whether I can persuade the Boss to stay. I really feel ill at the thought of returning, but a long time ago we agreed to follow her career, so I have to argue from that perspective. I feel ill.
I can relate big time, as you know. I'll be pulling for stay.
Thanks. I assume you're still in a holding pattern?
We've sort of decided that since she probably only has about 3 years worth of career left, she's just going to go and I'm going to stay and we'll visit when we can. She's looking at a company that does a lot fewer performances per year, so she'd have plenty of time to come home in the meantime.
Thanks, M & M. I should say that my job offer back west is pretty good—a five-year guarantee to teach what I love—so it's not the worst of fates. And the school here knows what that offer was, so they know they'll have to approximate it. Either way, I won't be stressing about finding steady work for, well, adulthood. But the combination of a deep aversion to being uprooted/change and genuinely loving this city makes the possibility unnerving. I suspect that that will sway the Boss to some degree, but even I know that that can't be the primary argument. As I said, the deal we struck a couple decades ago was that her career would guide us, which has been entirely sensible and successful, so ethically I can't weasel out now if she believes returning is better for her career.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
In this case, for B the offers are both good, but would focus on different things (I won't go into details). It depends on how she sees the senior part of her career, what she wants to accomplish. It's fortunate that my own opinion about how I see this stage of her career also fits with staying here. But, well, it is her life and if she disagrees, I could never begrudge her that.
Ask her what her ‘why’ is that should give you the answer.
Keep in mind that I want her answer to be my answer. I have a rough strategy for arguing against the other option (i.e., her "why"). As much as she hates it when I say the decision is ultimately hers, it's her career, her ambition, and I've long accepted that. If our votes end up 1-1, she has the tiebreaker. I'm consulting, that's all.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
My existence will be decided today. The Boss and I each have job offers to return to Saskatchewan, she has her counter to stay here and I have a meeting to hear the counter for me. Then we find out whether I can persuade the Boss to stay. I really feel ill at the thought of returning, but a long time ago we agreed to follow her career, so I have to argue from that perspective. I feel ill.
I can relate big time, as you know. I'll be pulling for stay.
Thanks. I assume you're still in a holding pattern?
We've sort of decided that since she probably only has about 3 years worth of career left, she's just going to go and I'm going to stay and we'll visit when we can. She's looking at a company that does a lot fewer performances per year, so she'd have plenty of time to come home in the meantime.
How do you feel about that? We've done the prolonged absences thing several times, but we're pretty solitary people at heart.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
Thanks, M & M. I should say that my job offer back west is pretty good—a five-year guarantee to teach what I love—so it's not the worst of fates. And the school here knows what that offer was, so they know they'll have to approximate it. Either way, I won't be stressing about finding steady work for, well, adulthood. But the combination of a deep aversion to being uprooted/change and genuinely loving this city makes the possibility unnerving. I suspect that that will sway the Boss to some degree, but even I know that that can't be the primary argument. As I said, the deal we struck a couple decades ago was that her career would guide us, which has been entirely sensible and successful, so ethically I can't weasel out now if she believes returning is better for her career.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
In this case, for B the offers are both good, but would focus on different things (I won't go into details). It depends on how she sees the senior part of her career, what she wants to accomplish. It's fortunate that my own opinion about how I see this stage of her career also fits with staying here. But, well, it is her life and if she disagrees, I could never begrudge her that.
Ask her what her ‘why’ is that should give you the answer.
Keep in mind that I want her answer to be my answer. I have a rough strategy for arguing against the other option (i.e., her "why"). As much as she hates it when I say the decision is ultimately hers, it's her career, her ambition, and I've long accepted that. If our votes end up 1-1, she has the tiebreaker. I'm consulting, that's all.
But you are surely part of her why (at least I would hope so). The promotion is a result, the pay rise is a result of what she does, what is the why that she does what she does, what are her values and beliefs.
But sometimes not taking the better offer (in Mrs Medulla’s case) can be the best move.
Mrs W and I decided when we had kids we would not move them despite Mrs W corporate career. She has turned down plenty of of opportunities and more promotions than she has accepted but each time she does something good seems to come along for which we don’t have to move. The mountain comes to Mohammed.
In this case, for B the offers are both good, but would focus on different things (I won't go into details). It depends on how she sees the senior part of her career, what she wants to accomplish. It's fortunate that my own opinion about how I see this stage of her career also fits with staying here. But, well, it is her life and if she disagrees, I could never begrudge her that.
Ask her what her ‘why’ is that should give you the answer.
Keep in mind that I want her answer to be my answer. I have a rough strategy for arguing against the other option (i.e., her "why"). As much as she hates it when I say the decision is ultimately hers, it's her career, her ambition, and I've long accepted that. If our votes end up 1-1, she has the tiebreaker. I'm consulting, that's all.
But you are surely part of her why (at least I would hope so). The promotion is a result, the pay rise is a result of what she does, what is the why that she does what she does, what are her values and beliefs.
It's not really a promotion—an extension of the deal she has, in most respects—and the pay increase will be about the same at either school. The why will come down to whether she wants to continue to emphasize her scholarly work or to start building a more institutional legacy. That'll be the discussion we have, I think, unless I've misread the situation. Where I fit in is that she was able to leverage both schools into offering me guaranteed work rather than me hoping each year that they'll let me teach a few courses. And she does like where we live—the city, neighbourhood, and house—a great deal, but she's also more open to prairie life than me (in no small part, I really like having a couple provinces separating me from most of my family, and this move would wipe that out). So, yeah, it'll be a matter of whether the work makes more sense for her back in the West or here.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
My existence will be decided today. The Boss and I each have job offers to return to Saskatchewan, she has her counter to stay here and I have a meeting to hear the counter for me. Then we find out whether I can persuade the Boss to stay. I really feel ill at the thought of returning, but a long time ago we agreed to follow her career, so I have to argue from that perspective. I feel ill.
I can relate big time, as you know. I'll be pulling for stay.
Thanks. I assume you're still in a holding pattern?
We've sort of decided that since she probably only has about 3 years worth of career left, she's just going to go and I'm going to stay and we'll visit when we can. She's looking at a company that does a lot fewer performances per year, so she'd have plenty of time to come home in the meantime.
How do you feel about that? We've done the prolonged absences thing several times, but we're pretty solitary people at heart.
We're both quite independent. I think it will be challenging for sure, but 3 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to give up the only job I've ever been able to stand that pays me to live, and given that we want to come back to Seattle eventually, it doesn't make sense for both of us to go live in another city where the cost of living is lower (meaning the wages would be lower, meaning we would never be able to afford to come back). Also, she's prone to injury already, and with this big injury in her past, it's likely to happen again, so going to live there and having her get injured within like 1 year or something seems too risky.
The downside is she really wants to get away from her current boss but we can't yet afford for her to move to another city and be able to maintain a long distance marriage. So we're saving up over the course of this year and hopefully she can move next year.
We're both quite independent. I think it will be challenging for sure, but 3 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to give up the only job I've ever been able to stand that pays me to live, and given that we want to come back to Seattle eventually, it doesn't make sense for both of us to go live in another city where the cost of living is lower (meaning the wages would be lower, meaning we would never be able to afford to come back). Also, she's prone to injury already, and with this big injury in her past, it's likely to happen again, so going to live there and having her get injured within like 1 year or something seems too risky.
The downside is she really wants to get away from her current boss but we can't yet afford for her to move to another city and be able to maintain a long distance marriage. So we're saving up over the course of this year and hopefully she can move next year.
That sounds sensible and seems like you've had some good conversations. I wonder, tho, is your employer in a position to give you a leave of absence? That'd be the one way of protecting your job and still giving you a chance to be together.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
We're both quite independent. I think it will be challenging for sure, but 3 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to give up the only job I've ever been able to stand that pays me to live, and given that we want to come back to Seattle eventually, it doesn't make sense for both of us to go live in another city where the cost of living is lower (meaning the wages would be lower, meaning we would never be able to afford to come back). Also, she's prone to injury already, and with this big injury in her past, it's likely to happen again, so going to live there and having her get injured within like 1 year or something seems too risky.
The downside is she really wants to get away from her current boss but we can't yet afford for her to move to another city and be able to maintain a long distance marriage. So we're saving up over the course of this year and hopefully she can move next year.
That sounds sensible and seems like you've had some good conversations. I wonder, tho, is your employer in a position to give you a leave of absence? That'd be the one way of protecting your job and still giving you a chance to be together.
My direct boss has told me he's a big proponent of telecommuting, and that he'd like to set up a situation in the company in which employees can work remotely for up to a week or so, which would be mega-helpful for this kind of thing (right now we are only able to do 40% of our time). I haven't been a full time employee with the company long enough, but after (I think) 5 years, I can take a sabbatical, so we would probably use that time to go to Australia or something. But no, the projects here move to fast to let me go for an extended leave of any kind.
We're both quite independent. I think it will be challenging for sure, but 3 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to give up the only job I've ever been able to stand that pays me to live, and given that we want to come back to Seattle eventually, it doesn't make sense for both of us to go live in another city where the cost of living is lower (meaning the wages would be lower, meaning we would never be able to afford to come back). Also, she's prone to injury already, and with this big injury in her past, it's likely to happen again, so going to live there and having her get injured within like 1 year or something seems too risky.
The downside is she really wants to get away from her current boss but we can't yet afford for her to move to another city and be able to maintain a long distance marriage. So we're saving up over the course of this year and hopefully she can move next year.
That sounds sensible and seems like you've had some good conversations. I wonder, tho, is your employer in a position to give you a leave of absence? That'd be the one way of protecting your job and still giving you a chance to be together.
My direct boss has told me he's a big proponent of telecommuting, and that he'd like to set up a situation in the company in which employees can work remotely for up to a week or so, which would be mega-helpful for this kind of thing (right now we are only able to do 40% of our time). I haven't been a full time employee with the company long enough, but after (I think) 5 years, I can take a sabbatical, so we would probably use that time to go to Australia or something. But no, the projects here move to fast to let me go for an extended leave of any kind.
That's a shame. In creative professions, the importance of being on-site is so over-stated.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
Brief update: My meeting went well and the counter offer was in many respects superior. A higher salary overall, more guaranteed classes over the life of the contract, but at a lower rate or pay per class and either copy editing or administrative duties. The Boss and I discussed things a bit walking home. Part of the issue of her returning to Sask., which I was unaware of, would be to spend more time with an elder who is in declining health. So a condition on staying, then (if we stay), would be regular and prolonged trips back to be with her while she's alive. I'd agree to that. Just as I'd hoped Sask's offer would be underwhelming, to make it easier to argue to stay, she was hoping Ottawa wouldn't be able to come up with a good counter. So we were each disappointed and are both stressed.
"Grab some wood, bub.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
