A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

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A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by eumaas » 04 Mar 2010, 1:31am

From Plato's Hoydides:
Mateus: I have entered sexual relations with ΓΘ δʹ.
Ioannes: By the gods!
Socrates: Is that the barbarian from the east?
Mateus: It is. Yet I feel guilt for I am only engaging in intercourse with her out of convenience. Though she is comely and sweet of temperament, she does not stoke the passions.
Ioannes: Mateus is ravishing a barbarian girl? I hear there is an oracle in Delphi as well.
Mateus: Ioannes, your statement is apt, and my own sentiment mirrors it. However, she made herself available to my pleasure, and yet I can muster but meager appetites.
Flexides: You betray all the Hellenes with your intercourse.
Mateus: I curse you in return, by Zeus.
Ioannes: Is not the purity of the Hellenes my concern, Flexides?
Socrates: I would say you have mustered a sufficient plow to furrow her fields.
Flexides: By that Socrates means your member.
Mateus: I assent.
Ioannes: Hear, hear, Socrates!
Mateus: Yesterday during intercourse, she did issue from her pudenda. I never before have counted this among my experiences.
Socrates: Has it come to your attention, O Mateus, that such secretion is urine?
Mateus: The fluid entered my mouth.
Socrates: It is urine, Mateus, and that is a certainty.
Flexides: Still your tongue!
Mateus: α;αλσκδιφασλδκιφ
Socrates: Urine entered your mouth, Mateus.
Mateus: It cannot be.
Flexides: Yes, Socrates has it right.
Mateus: Is it certain? I know that it is depicted on the walls of the public baths, but surely such a secretion may be a peculiar humor and not urine?
Socrates: It is affirmed by the physicians that it is so. It is urine, Mateus, which issued from the bladder and thence to your mouth.
Mateus: By Pallas Athena! And the barbarian girl will desire again that I take the pleasure of her with my mouth for near a quarter of the hour, and again she will urinate into my mouth.
Flexides: That it is urine cannot be denied. It may be wise for you to consume an ale or wine.
Socrates: I agree with Flexides. To restore a proper balance of the oral humors, you must irrigate the mouth with ale.
Mateus: Hold there, Socrates. I read in the papyrus of Wikides that such an ejaculation may not issue from the bladder.
Socrates: The majority of physicians have concluded that it issues from the bladder.
Ioannes: Wikides is of no consequence. The fluid is urine, and the argument concerns the concentration of the urine, as to its hue from golden to transparent, but not its essence as urine.
Socrates: Ioannes has this correct, though it differs in manner from a simple urination. No matter the tone of it, it is urine.
Mateus: I did not consume the fluid!
Socrates: Urophage!
Last edited by eumaas on 04 Mar 2010, 1:46am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Flex » 04 Mar 2010, 1:37am

This is the greatest thing in the history of ever. I cannot stop laughing.
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by cretin » 04 Mar 2010, 2:07am

YES! Oh yes! That is the best ever!
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by matedog » 04 Mar 2010, 2:30am

It's barely March, but post of the year. My favorite part:
Flexides: Still your tongue!
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Kory » 04 Mar 2010, 2:55am

This needs to be a forum announcement or sticky...
Inder:
Absolutely. Here's another collection of words:

Table salt (spoon hinge)
Octopus (Ukraine)
St. Petersburg (arms)
Ginger beer (cauliflower)
Pat Sajak (PSak)
Lamp post (self evident)
Florida Timeshare (ditto)
Heraclitus (EMI)
Developers (Developers Developers)
Boogie With Your Children

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Flex » 04 Mar 2010, 3:16am

For anyone interested in comparing to the original:
<da_dong> so I'm doing NG#4 now
<eumaas> OH NO
<iPhoneWolter> Aaaaaaaah!
<eumaas> Is that the Chinese one?
<da_dong> yes
<da_dong> I feel bad because I'm still not that into her
<da_dong> but she's a real nice girl
<da_dong> but just kinda boring
<iPhoneWolter> Hoy's dong an Asian. Stunning.
<da_dong> I know
<da_dong> I hate myself
<da_dong> but she asked me out
<da_dong> and I'm not that into her
<FlexPatrol> Race traitor.
<da_dong> so fuck you guys
<iPhoneWolter> Dong? Nice typo.
<iPhoneWolter> Race traitor? Isn't that my line?
<eumaas> Sounds like you're definitely "into" her
<FlexPatrol> HE MEANS YOUR PENIS
<da_dong> in a literal sense yes
<iPhoneWolter> Hiyo!
<da_dong> ugh, she squirted yesterday!
<da_dong> never experienced that
<eumaas> well Flex is a Red Sox fan and you're a Southerner
<eumaas> You do realize squirting is urine, right?
<da_dong> it went into my mouth
<eumaas> It's urine.
<FlexPatrol> Please stop talking right now
<da_dong> a;alskdjfasldkjf
<eumaas> Urine went into your mouth.
<da_dong> it can't be
<iPhoneWolter> Touche
<da_dong> is it?
<da_dong> i know it is in porn
<eumaas> According to medical science, it's urine.
<da_dong> but can't they do it for real with it not being urine?
<eumaas> It's urine, Hoy.
<da_dong> oh fuck me
<da_dong> fuck
<da_dong> and she'll want me to give her oral for 20 minutes again too
<iPhoneWolter> Totally urine.
<da_dong> and piss in my mouth again
<FlexPatrol> Hey hoy, you might wanna drink that beer
<da_dong> fuck me
<da_dong> it's already started
<eumaas> Yeah, need to disinfect your mouth
<eumaas> After getting URINE in it.
<da_dong> wait!
<da_dong> Female ejaculation (commonly known as squirting and gushing[1]) refers to the expulsion of noticeable amounts of clear fluid by human females from the paraurethral ducts through and around the urethra during or before orgasm. The exact source and nature of the fluid continues to be a topic of debate among medical professionals.
<eumaas> Most studies say it's URINE.
<iPhoneWolter> Whatever. Urine.
<iPhoneWolter> The debate is just how concentrated the urine you drank is.
<eumaas> Right
<da_dong> However, scientific studies from the 1980s and later have demonstrated that the substance produced is distinct from urine, though it does show similarities such as alkalinity with urine.[7] However, women claiming to have ejaculations who have agreed to urethral catheterization prior to intercourse expelled large volumes of urine through the catheter at orgas
<eumaas> It's different from a straight pissing
<iPhoneWolter> Like is it dank yellow or clear?
<eumaas> but it's still urine
<da_dong> I didn't swallow!
<eumaas> Piss drinker.
"I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon." - Prince

Sous les pavés, la plage.

Pex Lives!

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Rat Patrol » 04 Mar 2010, 3:35am

Kory wrote:This needs to be a forum announcement or sticky...
The Internet needs a Plato-lizer like it has a Pornolizer.
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Kory » 04 Mar 2010, 3:39am

I feel like I miss so much by never joining chats. How do I know when they're going on? In the chat. thread?
Inder:
Absolutely. Here's another collection of words:

Table salt (spoon hinge)
Octopus (Ukraine)
St. Petersburg (arms)
Ginger beer (cauliflower)
Pat Sajak (PSak)
Lamp post (self evident)
Florida Timeshare (ditto)
Heraclitus (EMI)
Developers (Developers Developers)
Boogie With Your Children

Rat Patrol
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Rat Patrol » 04 Mar 2010, 3:41am

Kory wrote:I feel like I miss so much by never joining chats. How do I know when they're going on? In the chat. thread?
Yeah...somebody announces they're in in the chat thread, usually shammerd. And then things inevitably take a turn for the Hoy.
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Wolter » 04 Mar 2010, 9:37am

This is pure awesome.
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Spiff » 04 Mar 2010, 10:08am

I concur.

AWESOME.
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Wolter » 04 Mar 2010, 10:32am

matedog wrote:It's barely March, but post of the year. My favorite part:
Flexides: Still your tongue!
The best one of "my" lines is:
Ioannes wrote:Mateus is ravishing a barbarian girl? I hear there is an oracle in Delphi as well.
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson

"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by matedog » 04 Mar 2010, 11:29am

I've read this like six times and it is still hilarious.
Socrates: I would say you have mustered a sufficient plow to furrow her fields.
Flexides: By that Socrates means your member.
Mateus: I assent.
Ioannes: Hear, hear, Socrates!
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by cretin » 04 Mar 2010, 11:35am

matedog wrote:I've read this like six times and it is still hilarious.
Socrates: I would say you have mustered a sufficient plow to furrow her fields.
Flexides: By that Socrates means your member.
Mateus: I assent.
Ioannes: Hear, hear, Socrates!
Dude, ME TOO! It's the funniest fucking shit!
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Re: A passage from Plato's lost dialogue

Post by Wolter » 04 Mar 2010, 11:36am

If we ever all attend the same IMCT North America meetup, we should definitely perform this.
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson

"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"

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