The Mighty America's Finest News Source Thread

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Inder
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Inder
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Dr. Medulla
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Unstable Couple Playing With Fire By Organizing Game Night
MIDVALE, UT—Tempting fate by putting together an evening of semi-competitive, semi-collaborative recreation, local unstable couple Molly and Jared Ball flouted common sense by organizing a game night for their friends Monday. “Man, those two are really hanging their asses in the wind with this game night,” said Amir Bitar, one of the invited friends, explaining that there was no way the peer group would get through an entire game of Scrabble intact after the way last week’s double date went down, not to mention March’s disastrous fondue party. “It’s honestly bald-faced arrogance for them to think we’ll be able to play even a single round of Apples To Apples. Seriously, they’re already on thin relationship ice, and now they make this crazy move? What the hell are they thinking playing fast and loose with their lives like this?” Upon the arrival of their guests later that evening, a strangely cowed Jared answered the door, told everyone that “Molly wasn’t feeling well,” and announced they would all be watching a movie instead.
https://local.theonion.com/unstable-cou ... 1825108999

Probably twenty-five years ago, several couple friends of ours were over and we played a game called Scruples, which was probably created by the divorce lawyer industry. The essence of the game is that people are presented with various shades of moral dilemmas and everyone around tries to guess how a person will answer, along with interrogating them if they think the person is lying. Stuff like, "There is a proposal to build a halfway house in your neighbourhood. Do you sign a petition to try to block it?" So, really, it's a big ol' inquisition about people's values. Anyhoo, on this night, one of the guys was given the question, "Your partner knows you're sexually attracted to his/her best friend and says you can have a one-night stand with them. Do you do it?" And like a dope he said yes, arguing that she okayed it. And, duh, real-life wife goes apeshit on him, saying she'd never allow that, how could he cheat on her like that, etc etc. His defense that her game-self okayed it, while strictly true, went nowhere and the game and evening ended fairly soon thereafter. Good times!
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

BostonBeaneater
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tepista
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We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Inder
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tepista
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We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak

Inder
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Dr. Medulla
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"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

WestwayKid
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Wow. First time I've ever visited The Hard Times. Some really great stuff!
"They don't think it be like it is, but it do." - Oscar Gamble

Dr. Medulla
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"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

JennyB
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I don't know why, but this one had me laughing hysterically:

https://www.theonion.com/herpetologists ... dPRT2zxdzE
Got a Rake? Sure!

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" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy

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Dr. Medulla
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Obligatory, Goddammit, Hoy! And Heston!
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

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