The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

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Flex
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Flex »

i have a bit of a soft spot for this song, in the sense that i have a soft spot for cul-de-sac failures.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead
Wiggle - you can raise the dead

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

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Flex wrote:
08 Aug 2022, 5:07pm
i have a bit of a soft spot for this song, in the sense that i have a soft spot for cul-de-sac failures.
My ears are burning!
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

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Flex wrote:
08 Aug 2022, 5:07pm
i have a bit of a soft spot for this song, in the sense that i have a soft spot for cul-de-sac failures.
There's something to it. And some interesting stuff going on. I might adjust my ratings because this should be higher than Getcha Back.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

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1986's "California Dreamin'" from the compilation "Made in U.S.A." (1986)
Lead Vocal - Al Jardine and Carl Wilson

Rock n Roll to the Rescue failed to "rescue" their falling chart positions, so they went for an easy nostalgia cover as the second new song on the compilation. It fared slightly better, making it to #57 compared to RnR's #68. It didn't make much of an impact at the time, but had a resurgence this year thanks to inclusion on Stranger Things and is now their second most streamed song in their discography(!) Let's see who was right: 80s audience apathy or 20s Gen Z zest!

Lyrics: It's CA Dreamin', with no rewrites like Love would do on some of the Summer in Paradise covers. 

Music: The song begins with some "atmospheric" wind and rain sounds. We're not in Huntington Beach anymore, folks. An arpeggiating guitar enters nicely before Al starts the overly echoed vocal. Interestingly, this intro verse eschews the backing vocals of the original. It's a notable change, not sure if I prefer it, but I appreciate the effort. Al's vocals are fine if unremarkable here. Slowly, bass and drums enter tastefully before holy fuck that four on the floor chorus. This isn't a disco song or an early 00s dance punk song, but you have this driving bass drum on fucking California Dreamin'. And that's not even mentioning the 16th note tamborine. Listen, I love tamborine. Love it way more than your average person, but this is not a good use of tambo. 

Carl takes the second verse which makes sense because it has the flashiest vocals in the original. Denny Doherty has a cool ass kinda gritty garage-y shout in the original verse but Carl is just too clean in comparison. It's not bad, but it's a downgrade from the original.

Second chorus leads us to a nifty 12-string solo performed by Byrds member Roger McGuinn who we all remember singing the "surfers recycle" replacement verse on the UK version of "Summer in Paradise" in 1992. His playing is featured throughout the song and a definite highlight. Unfortunately, we then get a very 80s sax solo. I get it, this is a year or two after Born in the USA launched Clarence Clemons into the national conscience, but this my friends is no Clarence Clemons solo.

The last thing I'll note is the kinda fake ending at 2:33 with some clever backing vocals. Nice original touch. Unfortunately, we get more sax solo after this and the drummer leaning real hard on his floor tom to accent his snare. No thanks. Who the hell did this drum arrangement? 

Video: Going for some serious atmospherics with this one after the fun in the sun vibes of the previous videos. No smiles, no color, no beach hijinx. I think it matches the mood of the song well. Al looks as gnomish as ever and we get cameos from half the Mamas and the Papas (the hot one and the one that maybe had sex with his daughter) and McGuinn as sorta ghosts. Doesn't really makes sense, but it doesn't need to. The highlight has to be Preacher John Phillips' ridiculously mimed sax solo. Doesn't really match the mood of the rest of the video but it's a fun diversion. There's A LOT of the band staring at the camera because I guess that's what makes things serious.

Side Note - Thank you Stranger Things for making this song popular so we got a nice, cleaned up version to enjoy.

Song grade: C. I'm basing these on my enjoyment of the song. Is this song worse than "Getcha Back?" Obviously no, but I enjoy it less. The changes to the original are more miss than hit and that bass drum pattern in the chorus is totally noxious and it tanks the chorus for me. Both this and the original sound dated, but this sounds dated in a less cool/enjoyable way. Original has a groovy flute solo, this has a soulless sax solo for example.
Video grade: B+ This one is a bit of an outlier in their videography (except maybe "Japan") and I think it matches the tone of the song well. There is some semblance of production values and concept which is a nice change.

Choice Youtube Comment: "I've never been a Beach Boys fan. I hardly ever liked any of their songs. Now this one here, it's different. Way different. They've really reinvented themselves here. Their version of California Dreamin', it's mind-blowing. Awesome, killer."
Brian status - He looks real uncomfortable during the lip syncing in the church, but then again, when does he not look uncomfortable?
Mike Love venom - He's barely in this and just stares at the camera, so minimal harm, minimal foul.

Next week: Oh fuck no, "Happy Endings" with Little Richard.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

Flex
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Flex »

hmmm, almost certainly the best song in this little exercise gets a C. Classic Hoy. Also, "Probable daughter rapist John Phillips" co-wrote Kokomo, so Mike Love has that little feather in his cap of collaborators.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead
Wiggle - you can raise the dead

Pex Lives!

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

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I dig their cover of "California Dreamin'". Brian looks bad in the video, however - way too thin and expressionless. After "Rock and Roll to the Rescue" and this one, it does indeed take a sharp downward drop with "Happy Endings".
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Dr. Medulla »

That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Flex »

Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead
Wiggle - you can raise the dead

Pex Lives!

Dr. Medulla
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Dr. Medulla »

Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 4:13pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
Contrary to popular memory, that moment shifted around 10M votes to Bush and Perot. Or at least should have.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by matedog »

Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:35pm
hmmm, almost certainly the best song in this little exercise gets a C. Classic Hoy. Also, "Probable daughter rapist John Phillips" co-wrote Kokomo, so Mike Love has that little feather in his cap of collaborators.
I did acknowledge that it is a better song than the others reviewed. It's just dragged down by it being so inferior to the original. And that god damn bass drum in the chorus. Maybe it's a drummer thing, but that's like poison to my ears.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by matedog »

Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 4:13pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
God damn the 90s were amazing,
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Dr. Medulla »

matedog wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 5:54pm
Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 4:13pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
God damn the 90s were amazing,
:ohboy:
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft

Flex
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by Flex »

matedog wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 5:54pm
Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 4:13pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
God damn the 90s were amazing,
How could you not be a lifelong dem after seeing such a hip and cool president? :shifty:
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a bowl of soup
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a rolling hoop
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle like a ton of lead
Wiggle - you can raise the dead

Pex Lives!

matedog
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by matedog »

Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 6:46pm
matedog wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 5:54pm
Flex wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 4:13pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
22 Aug 2022, 3:49pm
That video is so odd. Black and white and funereal. For a group that marinates in sun and fun California mythology, it's an unexpected choice. Terrible sax solo (as, frankly, most are).
Hmmm. You claim most sax solos are terrible and yet this happened, curious:
God damn the 90s were amazing,
How could you not be a lifelong dem after seeing such a hip and cool president? :shifty:
Clearly Howard Beale hasn’t seen this clip.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

matedog
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Re: The Thread to Ruminate About Mike Love's Rape Van

Post by matedog »


1987's "Happy Endings" featuring Little Richard from the soundtrack to the film "The Telephone"
Lead Vocal - Little Richard

We are now taking a look at what has to be the most obscure Beach Boys single they've ever done. And with good reason because it's abysmal. This seems to have kicked off their soundtrack-era that peaks with "Kokomo" and peeters off with "Problem Child" as it appears on the soundtrack to the equally obscure 1988 film "The Telephone" starring Whoopi Goldberg. Apparently the film was written by Terry Southern and Inder's own Harry Nilsson and is the sole directing credit to Rip Torn, what the fuck? This film tanked but that creative team is bizarrely intriguing. I may have to check it out.

Back to the song itself, it's cowritten by our favorite 80s Beach Boy collaborator Terry Melcher and Mike Love's right hand man "I Wear the Shorts" Bruce Johnston. This somehow ended up on Melcher's mother Doris Day's 2011 album of songs recorded in the 80s. She insisted on using Terry's vocal, so she just does a spoken intro. Not sure how Little Richard got involved in the Beach Boys version, but he was experiencing a bit of a comeback at the time, so I assume throwing two oldies groups together would equal chart topping success! It did not. This single went nowhere. Let's find out why.

Lyrics:
Holy fuck are these lyrics awful. Schmaltz and sappiness are not strong or negative enough words to describe it. I guess that's Bruce's thing? Flex likes that Disney Girls (1957) song, though I can't get behind it. It's certainly better than this. It does fall in line with the nostalgia thing they did in the 80s, but holy hell is this abysmal. The first lines say it all:
"Bring back happy endings,
Where the good guys always win.
Give me Santa and the Easter Bunny
Make me smile again."

Probably one of the worst single lines ever: "And dream a lot of Camelot."

No backing track will save this disgustingly sweet set of lyrics, but let's see if Little Richard can wop bop a loo bop this thing into life:

Music:
Of fucking course. The song begins with horrid airy keyboards straight out of their 1985 album. Some BB harmonies start things off vocally before immediately being interrupted by wretched pitch bending scream from Little Richard that is incredibly offputting and unsettling. He jarringly reins it in for a soft ballad cooing delivery of the terrible lines discussed above. Mike, Carl, and Al all get solo lines to prove they aren't above this dreck. There is a call and response section between the BBs and LR where he vamps wildly off key in response to their vanilla delivery. Each syllable gets like five notes, usually off key. No one wants to hear Little Richard singing like this. We want to hear him screaming and banging his piano like he wants to watch Buddy Holly bang his wife. The only thing that I could find that wasn't bottom of barrel dog shit about this song is that the sax solo on the outro isn't *as bad* as the other sax solos of their mid 80s songs. It's got some semblence of soul to it. That's all I can muster.

"What were they thinking?" is the natural question to ask. I took a deep dive into Little Richard's 1986 album "Lifetime Friend" to see if there was any sign or suggestion that this style/genre would work well for him. The album features a broad range of styles including shitty 80s funk, shitty 80s blues, and shitty 80s rock. There's a decent pastiche of classic Little Richard with "Great Gosh A'Mighty" cowritten by fellow self loathingly closeted drug addict Christian piano player Billy Preston. The closest thing to a schlocky 80s ballad is what basically amounts to a shitty 80s gospel song. But yeah, nothing here suggesting, "Little Richard would excel at neutered vanilla corporate ballad rock."

That got me wondering if a non-Little Richard version would be better or worse. Fortunately (I guess?), the aforementioned Melcher solo version appears is still awful. It's not like shockingly bad because it lacks Little Richard's bizarre performance, but it's still a wretched song, just more boring.

Video: The best version of the video I could find is really shitty which does the video no favors. Consequently I can't really make out everything in the video and it's just a low resolution mess.

There are two components to this video - a weird animated portion that matches the saccharine whimsy of the song and the other component is clips from the film. So apparently the film has Whoopi playing a mentally unstable woman who ultimately murders an innocent telephone service man. There's a comedic component apparently but the clips are quite jarring relative to the animated portions. The animated portions alternate between what's described in the lyrics and weird cilps of an astronaut grabbing a telephone and fish with English telephone booths. Little Richard and the Boys make appearances in animated form. Little Richard is a weird looking guy and the animated version is no less unsettling. It's all baffling and exacerbated by the resolution.

Song grade: F. This is one of the worst songs I've ever heard. It's terrible without the inclusion of Little Richard oversinging way off key and that just adds a bizzarely terrible edge to it. Fuck this is bad. And just look at this sad shitty album cover:
Image

Video grade: F. Terrible concept with terrible editing for a terrible song. It makes no sense tie such a bland, vanilla, schmaltz ballad to a weird improv kinda dramedy let alone directly tie them together via video.

Choice Youtube Comment: " I'm a life-long Beach Boys fan -- BUT they started doing some weird **** in their later years. I didn't know they did this!! ."
Brian status - I think I see him animated in one of the video shots of the group. Can't hear him though which is not a bad thing.
Mike Love venom - He gets a few solo lines but is not the worst offender. Fucking coward Bruce Johnston writes this aural hellscape and doesn't even give himself a solo line. Present your failure to the world, Bruce!

Next week: Oh fuck yeah, the precursor to "Smart Girls," "Wipeout" feat. the Fat Boys.
Look, you have to establish context for these things. And I maintain that unless you appreciate the Fall of Constantinople, the Great Fire of London, and Mickey Mantle's fatalist alcoholism, live Freddy makes no sense. If you want to half-ass it, fine, go call Simon Schama to do the appendix.

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