Joke thread
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
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Joke thread
Why did the lifeguard leave the hippy to drown?
Cos he was too "far out".
Has anyone got any terrible jokes?
Cos he was too "far out".
Has anyone got any terrible jokes?
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Dr. Medulla
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Re: Joke thread
One of my dad's awful ones (and I'm sure I've told it here): What's the difference between a Canada goose and a Ukrainian goose? A Canada goose goes, "Honk honk," while a Ukrainian goose goes, "Bohonk, bohonk."
"I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back in Whittier, they're not much bigger than two meters.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
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Re: Joke thread
I don't get it. I fear cultural divide.Dr. Medulla wrote:One of my dad's awful ones (and I'm sure I've told it here): What's the difference between a Canada goose and a Ukrainian goose? A Canada goose goes, "Honk honk," while a Ukrainian goose goes, "Bohonk, bohonk."
Boy 1 : Where's your mum from?
Boy 2 : Anchorage
Boy 1 : Where's that?
Boy 2 : I dunno Alaska
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- 101Walterton
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Re: Joke thread
I dont get it eitherHeston wrote:I don't get it. I fear cultural divide.Dr. Medulla wrote:One of my dad's awful ones (and I'm sure I've told it here): What's the difference between a Canada goose and a Ukrainian goose? A Canada goose goes, "Honk honk," while a Ukrainian goose goes, "Bohonk, bohonk."
Boy 1 : Where's your mum from?
Boy 2 : Anchorage
Boy 1 : Where's that?
Boy 2 : I dunno Alaska
Man 1 My wifes gone to the West Indies
Man 2 Jamaica ?
Man 1 No she went of her own accord.
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
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Re: Joke thread
A priest walks into a hotel and mentions during check-in, "I do hope the porn channel is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No. Its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- 101Walterton
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Re: Joke thread
That was too good for this thread.Heston wrote:A priest walks into a hotel and mentions during check-in, "I do hope the porn channel is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No. Its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "why the long face ?".
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
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Re: Joke thread
A pony walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint101Walterton wrote:That was too good for this thread.Heston wrote:A priest walks into a hotel and mentions during check-in, "I do hope the porn channel is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No. Its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
Horse walks into a bar and the barman says "why the long face ?".
"you'll have to speak up, I can't hear you" said the barman
"I'm sorry, I'm a little hoarse".
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
Re: Joke thread
The head shrink at a psych hospital decided to release one of his patients. So he gathered together the three best prospects. All the patient would have to do is answer a simple question correctly, "What is two plus two?"
He asked the first. The first patient replied, "Five," and so the shrink led him back to his room.
He asked the second. The second patient replied, "Wednesday," and so he was led back to his room too.
Finally, the third. The third patient got it right, answering "Four." So the chief shrink led him out the gate. As the patient was strolling through the gate, the doc decided to ask him, "How did you know that two plus two equals four?"
"Easy," the third patient said, "I just added five plus Wednesday."
He asked the first. The first patient replied, "Five," and so the shrink led him back to his room.
He asked the second. The second patient replied, "Wednesday," and so he was led back to his room too.
Finally, the third. The third patient got it right, answering "Four." So the chief shrink led him out the gate. As the patient was strolling through the gate, the doc decided to ask him, "How did you know that two plus two equals four?"
"Easy," the third patient said, "I just added five plus Wednesday."
I feel that there is a fascistic element, for example, in the Rolling Stones . . .
— Morton Feldman
I've studied the phenomenon of neo-provincialism in self-isolating online communities but this place takes the fucking cake.
— Clashy
— Morton Feldman
I've studied the phenomenon of neo-provincialism in self-isolating online communities but this place takes the fucking cake.
— Clashy
- tepista
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Re: Joke thread
totally. I can't wait to pass it on101Walterton wrote:That was too good for this thread.Heston wrote:A priest walks into a hotel and mentions during check-in, "I do hope the porn channel is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No. Its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
Re: Joke thread
close the thread up... that's the WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!tepista wrote:totally. I can't wait to pass it on101Walterton wrote:That was too good for this thread.Heston wrote:A priest walks into a hotel and mentions during check-in, "I do hope the porn channel is disabled." The receptionist replies, "No. Its just normal porn you sick bastard!"
If you don't hate the Clash, you don't love them enough - Olaf
-
Guest
Re: Joke thread
A pirate walks into a bar and pulls up a seat. The bartender looks at him confused, "why do you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" he asks.
"YARRR tis driving me nuts!" the pirate replied.
"YARRR tis driving me nuts!" the pirate replied.
- 101Walterton
- The Best
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Re: Joke thread
Dont forget your coat..............Guest wrote:A pirate walks into a bar and pulls up a seat. The bartender looks at him confused, "why do you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" he asks.
"YARRR tis driving me nuts!" the pirate replied.
- Dr. Medulla
- Atheistic Epileptic
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Re: Joke thread
Limey savages—a Ukrainian is known as a bohunk. There's more to slurs than wogs and niggers, you know.101Walterton wrote:Heston wrote:I don't get it. I fear cultural divide.Dr. Medulla wrote:One of my dad's awful ones (and I'm sure I've told it here): What's the difference between a Canada goose and a Ukrainian goose? A Canada goose goes, "Honk honk," while a Ukrainian goose goes, "Bohonk, bohonk."
I dont get it either
"I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back in Whittier, they're not much bigger than two meters.'" - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
- tepista
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Re: Joke thread
Where does the hate end?
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
- Wolter
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Re: Joke thread
Iceland.tepista wrote:Where does the hate end?
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"