Whats the punch line ........................ I'll get me coatPurple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
Joke thread
- 101Walterton
- The Best
- Posts: 21973
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 5:36pm
- Location: Volcanic Rock In The Pacific
Re: Joke thread
- Wolter
- Half Foghorn Leghorn, Half Albert Brooks
- Posts: 55432
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 7:59pm
- Location: ¡HOLIDAY RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OAD!
Re: Joke thread
I'm not even going to pretend to understand that.Purple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"
- 101Walterton
- The Best
- Posts: 21973
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 5:36pm
- Location: Volcanic Rock In The Pacific
Re: Joke thread
I know what he is talking about I've seen it many times before but it still makes no sense. Apparently, that is the way to do it.Wolter wrote:I'm not even going to pretend to understand that.Purple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
Boooo....hissss....101Walterton wrote:Whats the punch line ........................ I'll get me coatPurple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Purple Hayes
- Unknown Immortal
- Posts: 3855
- Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 7:54am
- Location: Still scoring from corners..
Re: Joke thread
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punch_and_JudyWolter wrote:I'm not even going to pretend to understand that.Purple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
'People like Coldplay and people voted for the Nazi's, you can't trust people Jeremy':- Super Hans
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell
- Wolter
- Half Foghorn Leghorn, Half Albert Brooks
- Posts: 55432
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 7:59pm
- Location: ¡HOLIDAY RO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OAD!
Re: Joke thread
Oh shit. I really should have gotten that.Purple Hayes wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punch_and_JudyWolter wrote:I'm not even going to pretend to understand that.Purple Hayes wrote:Just got back from Blackpool, never again. On the seafront I saw a bloke and this bird having a right old shouting match until the bird smacked him in the face and they started fighting. Then a copper turned up but instead of trying to calm things down he starts twatting the guy with his baton, then the bloke rips the baton off the copper and starts beating the crap out of him and the bird, then a crocodile turned up and stole some sausages...
”INDER LOCK THE THE KISS THREAD IVE REALISED IM A PRZE IDOOT” - Thomas Jefferson
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"
"But the gorilla thinks otherwise!"
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
Bloke in doctor's: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter.....
Doctor: Sorry, I don't follow you
Doctor: Sorry, I don't follow you
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Dr. Medulla
- Atheistic Epileptic
- Posts: 115994
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
- Location: Straight Banana, Idaho
Re: Joke thread
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
I was bending down in the back of the wardrobe when my wife walked into the room and asked what I was doing.
"Narnia business", I replied
"Narnia business", I replied
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Marky Dread
- Messiah of the Milk Bar
- Posts: 58887
- Joined: 17 Jun 2008, 11:26am
Re: Joke thread
Heston wrote:I was bending down in the back of the wardrobe when my wife walked into the room and asked what I was doing.
"Narnia business", I replied
Forces have been looting
My humanity
Curfews have been curbing
The end of liberty
We're the flowers in the dustbin...
No fuchsias for you.
"Without the common people you're nothing"
Nos Sumus Una Familia
- Purple Hayes
- Unknown Immortal
- Posts: 3855
- Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 7:54am
- Location: Still scoring from corners..
Re: Joke thread
Just bought some of that 007 Viagra... It makes you Roger Moore
When my Mrs left I was sad, upset and lonely, since then I've bought a dog and a Harley, shagged two of her friends and blown a grand on coke...She'll go fuckin' mental when she gets home from work
It's just like the 80's here, Sinetta, Pat Sharp and the bird from Hart to Hart are all on Tv and Chelsea are shit again
The Police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said "Is this your wife, Sir?" Shocked I answered "Yes" They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" I said "I know, but she's good with the kids"
Christmas is coming soon and to be honest it will be like every other day, sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble anymore..
I was on the computer the other night when my Mrs asked what I was doing, I told her I was looking at cheap flighs, she smiled came over to me un-zipped my flys and gave me the most amazing blowjob, this was strange 'cos she'd never shown any interest in darts before...
I'll get me coat
When my Mrs left I was sad, upset and lonely, since then I've bought a dog and a Harley, shagged two of her friends and blown a grand on coke...She'll go fuckin' mental when she gets home from work
It's just like the 80's here, Sinetta, Pat Sharp and the bird from Hart to Hart are all on Tv and Chelsea are shit again
The Police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. They said "Is this your wife, Sir?" Shocked I answered "Yes" They said "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus" I said "I know, but she's good with the kids"
Christmas is coming soon and to be honest it will be like every other day, sitting at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble anymore..
I was on the computer the other night when my Mrs asked what I was doing, I told her I was looking at cheap flighs, she smiled came over to me un-zipped my flys and gave me the most amazing blowjob, this was strange 'cos she'd never shown any interest in darts before...
I'll get me coat
'People like Coldplay and people voted for the Nazi's, you can't trust people Jeremy':- Super Hans
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush!
'Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.'
'Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.'
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
'Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. 'Eees a bacon tree.'
'Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget.'
'Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon... ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree'.
And with that... Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
'Pepe... go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.'
'Luis Luis mi amigo... what ees it?
'Pepe... ees not a bacon tree...
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Eees a Ham Bush!
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Dr. Medulla
- Atheistic Epileptic
- Posts: 115994
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
- Location: Straight Banana, Idaho
Re: Joke thread
Boo.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
Re: Joke thread
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
- Purple Hayes
- Unknown Immortal
- Posts: 3855
- Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 7:54am
- Location: Still scoring from corners..
Re: Joke thread
After getting sent to jail i was relentlessly arse fucked for an hour, sometimes i think my Uncle takes monopoly far too seriously
'People like Coldplay and people voted for the Nazi's, you can't trust people Jeremy':- Super Hans
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell
'Hayes ... is one of the most godforsaken places I have ever struck. The population seems to be entirely made up of clerks who frequent tin-roofed chapels on Sundays and for the rest bolt themselves within doors.' - George Orwell