Joke thread
Re: Joke thread
Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.
Because she was a woman.
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D'you know that you can use it?
-- There's no fairytale ending with cocaine.
D'you know that you can use it?
-- There's no fairytale ending with cocaine.
- Dr. Medulla
- Atheistic Epileptic
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- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 2:00pm
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Re: Joke thread
That's no joke.Spiff wrote:Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.
"I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey-strong bowels were girded with strength, like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo dung." - Richard Nixon, Checkers Speech, abandoned early draft
Re: Joke thread
Women can be really bitchy on different levels, especially about other women and their clothes.
"Did you see that girl in the ill-fitting camouflage clothes walk past?" my girlfriend asked me. "Yes," I replied.
"They're so not working for her," she sniped.
"Did you see that girl in the ill-fitting camouflage clothes walk past?" my girlfriend asked me. "Yes," I replied.
"They're so not working for her," she sniped.
Re: Joke thread
The Pope & the Bishop are doing a crossword
The Pope is stuck on one clue and asks the Bishop for assistance - the Pope says 'hhhhhhhmmm a four lettered word for a woman'
They both scratch their heads as to what the answer could be.
Eventually the Bishop shouts ' I think I've got the answer!'
The Pope says 'very well my son what is it?'
The Bishop says 'Aunt'
The Pope say says 'well done Bishop now can you pass me the tipex!'
The Pope is stuck on one clue and asks the Bishop for assistance - the Pope says 'hhhhhhhmmm a four lettered word for a woman'
They both scratch their heads as to what the answer could be.
Eventually the Bishop shouts ' I think I've got the answer!'
The Pope says 'very well my son what is it?'
The Bishop says 'Aunt'
The Pope say says 'well done Bishop now can you pass me the tipex!'
Joining the Street Parade
Re: Joke thread
Even I, a staunch feminist, laughed at this.Spiff wrote:Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.
Got a Rake? Sure!
IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M
" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy
IMCT: Inane Middle-Class Twats - Dr. M
" *sigh* it's right when they throw the penis pump out the window." -Hoy
- Marky Dread
- Messiah of the Milk Bar
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Re: Joke thread
I'm a staunch feminist also and I'm not amused.JennyB wrote:Even I, a staunch feminist, laughed at this.Spiff wrote:Why was Hellen Keller such a bad driver?
Because she was a woman.
No wait that's not right. I'm a fatalist with a paunch yeah that's it.
Forces have been looting
My humanity
Curfews have been curbing
The end of liberty
We're the flowers in the dustbin...
No fuchsias for you.
"Without the common people you're nothing"
Nos Sumus Una Familia
Re: Joke thread
A massive scouser, shaven-headed, muscles on his muscles, tattoos on his tattoos, is sitting in Liverpool's roughest pub having a pint, when in comes a slender, camp, smartly dressed man. The man sits next to the scouser, orders an appletini, and then turns to the scouser and says "Hello sailor. How about meeting me round the back for a blow-job?"
At this, the scouser promptly flies into a furious rage. He picks up the man, runs him head first all along the bar, drops him to the floor and then pummels him relentlessly for five whole minutes, before throwing him out onto the street.
"Jesus, Terry." says the barman. "What did that poor fella say to you?”
"Dunno," the scouser replies. "Something about a job."
At this, the scouser promptly flies into a furious rage. He picks up the man, runs him head first all along the bar, drops him to the floor and then pummels him relentlessly for five whole minutes, before throwing him out onto the street.
"Jesus, Terry." says the barman. "What did that poor fella say to you?”
"Dunno," the scouser replies. "Something about a job."
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D'you know that you can use it?
-- There's no fairytale ending with cocaine.
D'you know that you can use it?
-- There's no fairytale ending with cocaine.
- Marky Dread
- Messiah of the Milk Bar
- Posts: 58887
- Joined: 17 Jun 2008, 11:26am
Re: Joke thread
Spiff wrote:A massive scouser, shaven-headed, muscles on his muscles, tattoos on his tattoos, is sitting in Liverpool's roughest pub having a pint, when in comes a slender, camp, smartly dressed man. The man sits next to the scouser, orders an appletini, and then turns to the scouser and says "Hello sailor. How about meeting me round the back for a blow-job?"
At this, the scouser promptly flies into a furious rage. He picks up the man, runs him head first all along the bar, drops him to the floor and then pummels him relentlessly for five whole minutes, before throwing him out onto the street.
"Jesus, Terry." says the barman. "What did that poor fella say to you?”
"Dunno," the scouser replies. "Something about a job."
Forces have been looting
My humanity
Curfews have been curbing
The end of liberty
We're the flowers in the dustbin...
No fuchsias for you.
"Without the common people you're nothing"
Nos Sumus Una Familia
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
knock knock
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- tepista
- Foul-Mouthed Werewolf
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- Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one
Re: Joke thread
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
biggish
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- tepista
- Foul-Mouthed Werewolf
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- Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 11:25am
- Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one
Re: Joke thread
Biggish who?
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
No thanks
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- Heston
- God of Thunder...and Rock 'n Roll
- Posts: 38356
- Joined: 15 Jun 2008, 4:07pm
- Location: North of Watford Junction
Re: Joke thread
You may have to be a Limey to get that.
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board
- tepista
- Foul-Mouthed Werewolf
- Posts: 37871
- Joined: 16 Jun 2008, 11:25am
- Location: Livin on a fault line, Waiting on the big one
Re: Joke thread
That's what I was going to suggest
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak
We beach the beachheads other armies cannot beach
We speak the tongues other mouths cannot speak