movies

Sweet action for kids 'n' cretins. Marjoram and capers.
tepista
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Post by tepista »

I saw Shakma, or SHAK the MAnkey, as I've been calling it in my head, but I haven't written it yet.

Bloody Hell (2020) A man who served time for vigilantism goes to Finland to flee the American tabloids and finds himself in a dangerous predicament in this wildly fun, violent, and funny action-horror that’s easily the early front runner for best of the year.

Shook (2021) Rotten Instagram Influencers in Peril (RIIP)! First, there’s a dog killer on the loose, then, in Scream fashion, a young woman’s answers to a psycho’s questions on a cell phone will decide her friend’s fate. Yawn.

Audition (1999) A casting director friend of a middle-aged widow in the film industry sets up a phony audition so he can find his future wife. Underhanded as that may seem, the guy seemed to have good intentions. I mean, it wasn't a Weinstein situation. Anyway, of course, he picked a psycho killer, why wouldn’t he? This cult fave from Takashi Miike managed to be pretty reserved for his standards during the first hour, but it goes off the rails into a batshit, gory fever dream! It’s been almost 20 years since I’d seen it, way too long!

Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion (1972) Meiko Kaji (who would later star in the Lady Snowblood samurai films) plays Matsu, imprisoned for trying to murder her corrupt cop boyfriend. If she escapes, she’ll surely track him down along with the drug yakuza he works for, but in the meantime, she must fend off constant attacks from angry prison-mates and sadistic guards. Loaded with bullets, boobs and blood, and some very artistic sets and lighting, this is exploitation art at its best! Spawned three sequels.

Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41 (1972) After a year in solitary, Matsu and six others make a jailbreak, where they encounter among other things, a witch, and a busload of casual rapists, all while trying to stay two steps ahead of the prison guards who are now in shoot-first mode. Being away from prison, there are a lot fewer shower scenes in this one, but possibly even more violence and humiliation, and again, very cool color schemes in this great, arty, exploitation.

Female Convict Scorpion: Beast Stable (1973) The 3rd film in the Japanese Scorpion franchise, and they seem to get sleazier with every entry. In the opening scene, Matsu cuts off her captor’s arm and spends the first 20 minutes of the film fleeing, while handcuffed to a severed arm. She finds shelter in a shack with a hooker, who fucks her drooling, brain damaged brother every night to prevent him from going out to rape on a regular basis. Matsu eventually gets captured by yakuza and forced into prostitution while sleeping in a bird cage, but not for long. She pries a scalpel from the unconscious hand of a different prostitute, who was recovering from a forced abortion, and uses it to slash up all the pimps! And all the while being tracked by a one-armed cop! These movies are seriously NOT TO BE MISSED.

Female Prisoner Scorpion: 701’s Grudge Song (1973) This time, Matsu teams with another fugitive who hates cops as much as she does, and why shouldn’t he? They burned his dick with boiling water! They throw a detective’s wife out of a high rise apartment. She soon finds herself back on death row, but when sleazy cops rape the warden for no particular reason, she assists in another escape and it’s more revenge for the Scorpion! Shun’ya Ito directed the first 3 installments, and his artful absence is noticed, but this is just as sleazy as the rest. This would be the 4th and final movie of the series starring Meiko Kaji as Matsu, but there’s and handful more with different actresses.

Amityville II: The Possession (1982) The Montelli’s have found their new dream house in Amityville, but an evil presence in the house has the whole family at odds from the first instant, and with dad’s (Rocky’s Burt Young) violent temper, it quickly escalates. Get ready to cringe during the completely awkward brother-sister relationship between the newly possessed Sonny and cutie-pie younger sis, played by TerrorVision’s Diane Franklin. Lots of wild objects-floating action and the last act is an Exorcist rip off. The most fun sequel in the bunch, some might say. Some including me.

Carmilla (2019) Slow-paced drama based on the classic novella lacks bite. 19th century teen, Lara, longs for a friend her own age, and when the mysterious amnesiac Carmilla arrives in a carriage accident her wishes are answered, much to the dismay of her governess. Not as much vampirism as in the book. Barely any, in fact. They do make out, at least.

Flesh+Blood (1985) Medieval soldiers seek revenge against a kingdom who discarded them after use of their services. Two hours of non-stop sex and violence from Paul Verhoven, whose next 5 movies were RoboCop, Total Recall, Basic Instinct, Showgirls and Starship Troopers! This movie puts the pedal to the metal right from the start and never lets up. Rape, explosions, flaming arrows, swords, and a plague-carrying dismembered dog assault via catapult. Rutger Hauer, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Susan Tyrell and more. Also Bart Simpson's voice actress shows her tits. Yeah, Bart Simpson's tits! How had I never seen this?

Queen of Black Magic (1981) The village playboy accuses his jilted ex-girlfriend of ruining his wedding with sorcery and convinces the townsfolk to throw her off a mountain. The local witch doctor nurses her to health and teaches her all she needs to know to exact deadly revenge on those who wronged her, including one guy who pulls his own head off! I thought this wild Indonesian title was more fun than it’s slightly more serious 2020 remake.

In Search of Darkness: Part II (2020) an over 4-hour look at dozens of 80s titles, complete with clips (including many spoilers) and interviews with experts and filmmakers. Seems Linnea Quigley and Nancy Allen got the most airtime in this one, along with Clancy Brown, Barbara Crampton, Joe Dante, Robert Englund, Chris Jericho, and way too many to list. I think I liked it better than the first edition, as it dug a bit deeper, with many, but by no means all, of the more popular titles having been already covered in the first.

A Return to Salem’s Lot (1987) Larry Cohen’s favorite leading man, Michael Moriarty, and his foul mouthed teenage son spend some time in small town Maine, where an aunt he stayed with one summer 25 years ago willed him a house. They instantly find out the entire population, save for a few familiars, are vampires, and they want Michael to write a “bible” about their kind. He doesn’t mind because his 17 year-old crush wants to bang, and since she’s a vampire, she still looks 17! And the son doesn’t mind either because he has a crush on a 13 year old vampire Tara Reid! Yes, I said Tara Reid. The honeymoon doesn’t last too long, as the father and son team up with a re-purposed Nazi hunter (played by Shock Corridor screenwriter/director Samuel Fuller) and they go on a staking frenzy. Sounds good? It wasn’t, it came across goofy.
Lucky (2020) A woman is attacked in her home every night by the same masked assailant. Her husband doesn’t seem to think it’s such a big deal, and neither do the cops. Is she losing her mind? Either way, she seems to best him every time. Heavy on the allegory, I didn’t find this very entertaining.

Lucky (2020) A woman is attacked in her home every night by the same masked assailant. Her husband doesn’t seem to think it’s such a big deal, and neither do the cops. Is she losing her mind? Either way, she seems to best him every time. Heavy on the allegory, I didn’t find this very entertaining.

Strange Invaders (1983) Paul LeMat is a college professor whose ex-wife goes missing in her home town, and when he goes to track her he finds the town is overrun by insect-like space aliens disguised as humans. Back in New York, he gets Nancy Allen involved, as she’s a tabloid writer who just published a cover story on aliens. Light stuff, mediocre time waster.

One Missed Call (2003) You get a voicemail from your future self then die in 2 days. Standard, early 2000s Japanese fare, a little better than average because Takashi Miike was the director, but I expect a little more from him.

Der Fan aka Trance (1982) Simone is a teenage girl in Germany who has an obsessive crush on mega-pop star “R”. She is convinced that her parents, school, the postman and R’s handlers are all conspiring to keep the letters she has written away from him, because once he sees them, she is sure he will know that they were meant to be together. She runs away from home and waits outside a TV taping that R is scheduled to appear at. She faints when she meets him, but he brings her in the building and gives her VIP treatment, and eventually takes her home. You won’t want to miss what happens when she realizes what a one-night-stand is. The set-up was slow paced, but the last third of the flick will reward you with some gratuitous nudity and wonderful violence. Creepy pic with a good ending. This is one to see. In German with English subs.
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tepista
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Re: movies

Post by tepista »

Odd, since you posted Shakma, rev, it's come up on my horror board TWICE! After previously coming up, I dunno, never? What witchery do you possess?

*never mind, SHUDDER just added it, that would be the reason. and I watched a cropped version with commercials on TUBI!
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Re: movies

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Dr. Medulla wrote:
14 Mar 2021, 4:09pm
Ben Affleck's a legit lousy actor, right? I like a number of movies he did in the 90s, but for the last 20 years or so, whenever I see him in a movie I'm honestly incredulous that he gets starring roles. He exudes joylessness and seems incapable of any other emotion.
Was he in that film set in Boston where I couldn't understand anyone?
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board

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Re: movies

Post by Dr. Medulla »

Heston wrote:
15 Mar 2021, 3:11pm
Dr. Medulla wrote:
14 Mar 2021, 4:09pm
Ben Affleck's a legit lousy actor, right? I like a number of movies he did in the 90s, but for the last 20 years or so, whenever I see him in a movie I'm honestly incredulous that he gets starring roles. He exudes joylessness and seems incapable of any other emotion.
Was he in that film set in Boston where I couldn't understand anyone?
The Town? Yeah.
Back off, or I'll blow the roof off—with sound!

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Re: movies

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Next of Kin (1982) Linda returns to her small town home after her mother’s death to run the family business, an assisted living community run out a creepy old mansion. She learns of several suspicious deaths that had occurred over the years and does some investigating with the help of her mom’s diary, old hospital records and some creepy dreams. A young John Jarratt (Wolf Creek) plays the love interest. Very slow paced and atmospheric Aussie movie, but with a really good payoff, as the last 15 minutes are dynamite.

The Devils (1971) Ken Russel’s infamously banned, and censored masterwork about a whore-mongering priest (Oliver Reed) and a hunchback nun (Vanessa Redgrave) who falsely accuses him of witchcraft, resulting in a prosecution by a corrupt state who’s intent is to take his previously protected city. So glad to finally scratch this off my list.

Strange Behavior aka Dead Kids (1981) Looking for an extra buck, high school students allow a college professor to perform chemical experiments on them, causing them to murder other high school kids. But why? Watch and find out in this cool, atmospheric slasher with a Tangerine Dream soundtrack.

Shakma (1990) A group of nerdy med students (lead by Blue Lagoon’s Christopher Atkins) play an all-night, fantasy video game, then come under attack by a thought-to-have-been-euthanized baboon whom was earlier in the day experimented on with rage educing drugs. Roddy McDowall was the professor, and Amanda Wyss (Elm Street’s “Tina”) was a student. I almost turned this drivel off about half way through, but some violent action sequences saved it. In most of the scenes, it was real baboon. I know “no animals were harmed” and so forth, but they sure enraged that fucking monkey! According to IMDB, “Typhoon”, who played Shakma, also played the baboon in The Fly. Typical Hollywood typecasting.

Inseminoid (1981) British Alien rip-off from Norman J. Warren. A woman gets raped by a big bug-eyed creature while at a space station, becomes super strong, and homicidal towards her crew mates. A little nudity, a lot of violence, and about a half dozen attractive women including Judy Geeson (10 Rillington Place) and Stephanie Beacham (Dracula AD 1972). Norman Warren died last week.

Cannibals in the Streets aka Cannibal Apocalypse (1980) John Saxon is a Vietnam vet who gets a phone call from a platoon-mate just released from 10 years in the mental ward. Saxon ditches his beer meeting with his ex-chum to bang the 15 year old next door, and meanwhile his unstable buddy goes to the movies and bites a woman on the neck before ultimately ending up in a police shootout in a department store. Apparently, some vets were sent back home with a taste for human blood, Saxon included, though not sure how it remained dormant for so long. Cannibalism as a contagion was an interesting twist in this one. Lots of gore from Antonio Marghertti, whose over 50 credits have everything from Hercules, horror, giallo, SciFi and all things in between.

The Editor (2014) A film editor on a cheap horror film becomes chief suspect in a series of murders in this wonderfully hilarious homage to giallo from the Canadian team of Adam Brooks and Matthew Kennedy, who co-wrote, co-directed, and co-starred. All the colors of Argento, all the foggy-eyed blindness of Fulci, and all the naked and slapped for no good reason beautiful women you could ask for, with gallons of blood to spare and an Udo Kier cameo for good measure. Fans of giallo: Do Not Miss It!
Last edited by tepista on 21 Mar 2021, 11:09pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: movies

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I watched an excellent film last night Called Upgrade. Do yourself a favour and check it out if you see it in the listings.
There's a tiny, tiny hopeful part of me that says you guys are running a Kaufmanesque long con on the board

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Re: movies

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Heston wrote:
21 Mar 2021, 1:52am
I watched an excellent film last night Called Upgrade. Do yourself a favour and check it out if you see it in the listings.
Yeah excellent film.

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Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
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Re: movies

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Kory wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:11pm
Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
yeah, I think it's still one of those $20 movies. It'll come soon enough, but I'll be sure to post if I hear it streams somewhere.
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Re: movies

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tepista wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:17pm
Kory wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:11pm
Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
yeah, I think it's still one of those $20 movies. It'll come soon enough, but I'll be sure to post if I hear it streams somewhere.
Splendid, thanks!
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Re: movies

Post by Silent Majority »

Kory wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:11pm
Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
That was the last film I saw at the cinema. Miserable, powerful.
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Re: movies

Post by Kory »

Silent Majority wrote:
23 Mar 2021, 2:03am
Kory wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:11pm
Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
That was the last film I saw at the cinema. Miserable, powerful.
A friend was telling me that it's at Hereditary quality, what do you say to that assessment (If you liked Hereditary at all)?
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Re: movies

Post by Silent Majority »

Kory wrote:
23 Mar 2021, 2:59pm
Silent Majority wrote:
23 Mar 2021, 2:03am
Kory wrote:
22 Mar 2021, 5:11pm
Anyone seen Saint Maud yet? From the hole-in-one production company A24—I can't find anywhere to watch it but a reliable source tells me it's damn good.
That was the last film I saw at the cinema. Miserable, powerful.
A friend was telling me that it's at Hereditary quality, what do you say to that assessment (If you liked Hereditary at all)?
Didn't see Hereditary. Looked miserable, haha.
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Re: movies

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Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975) The incredibly large-breasted Dyanne Thorne plays the title character, a sadistic commandant of Nazi Experiment Camp #9, where prisoners are tortured, raped and killed in the vilest manner. Ilsa will sleep with the prisoners, but only once. They’ll return to the barracks castrated. That is until she meets the one man who has no time limit, if you get my drift. She even sends him to please her two beautiful blonde henchwomen, and he goes all night, thus saving his manhood, but Ilsa’s newfound attachment to him may leads to her downfall. More full-frontal nudity that you could possibly imagine, but much of it is in torture scenes, which include penetration with an electrified dildo, freezing and burning experiments, and a Nazi General with a piss fetish. Hard to watch, but a satisfying ending.

Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks (1976) Dyanne Thorne is back as Ilsa, this time in charge of a sex traffic ring in which beautiful women are kidnapped from all over the world and sold into sex slavery to millionaire sheiks. One sheik requests his prized purchase have her teeth removed because he doesn’t like the scratch of them. (that was the one scene that stuck with me since I last saw this 30+ years ago!) Even though there was still torture and depravity, this one was a bit easier to digest than the first one. The sex was sexier, and the women were better looking, including Haji (Faster Pussycat) and Ilsa’s two gorgeous, black, martial artist bodyguards, who are oiled up in nothing but bikini bottoms for the whole film. Again, Ilsa’s misplaced affection for a male is going to be her ruin!

Ilsa: the Wicked Warden (1977) After the success of the first two American produced Ilsa movies, Spanish sleaze director Jesus Franco, who had a made a few women in prison flicks already, hires Dyanne Thorne to play basically the same character, but named Greta (or Wanda?) as a sadistic prison warden. American distributors picked it up and slapped “Ilsa” back on the title, and that’s the story of the 3rd, and unofficial entry in the Ilsa franchise. I saw an interview with Don Edmonds, director of the first two, he did not look fondly on that story. Anyway, the buxom Ms Thorne now spreads her sex and torture to the female inmates of a prison for sexual deviants. Oh the fun they have after lights out! Aby has herself committed into the facility (with the help of a doctor played by Franco) to investigate the whereabouts of her missing sister. The curvy Franco regular Lina Romay plays the tough inmate who dishes info on the sister in exchange for a rim job. Not so tough that she doesn’t squirm when Ilsa uses her tits as a human pin cushion. As much as this whole series is played for one shock after another, no one could have predicted the gory ending for this one.

Ilsa: the Tigress of Siberia (1977) In 1953, Ilsa now runs a prison for enemies of the Soviet Union. She dunks them in frozen ice water, and feeds them to her hungry pet tiger, among other things. Ya ever see a chainsaw arm-wrestling match? The guards have nightly drinking contests to determine which two get to sleep with her that night. That’s the first half of the movie, flash forward to Montreal in 1977, where Ilsa now runs a whore house. On closed-circuit cameras she spots an escapee from the olden days, a firm opponent of Stalin, now a hockey coach who is harmlessly taking his star athletes to fuck some hookers. Not believing in coincidence, he abducts him and subjects him to her new bag, which is subliminal mind control torture. She has him write a letter of defection to send back to Russia (it reads like a child running away from home letter) but the KGB is having none of it. They send a team of assassins dressed as white ninjas to Ilsa’s Canadian mansion and a bloodbath ensues. Ilsa still manages to maintain her two-a-night routine and hasn't aged a day in the 24 years that have passed. One thing all the Ilsa movies have is a good, and satisfying ending, this one is no exception.

Blue My Mind (2017) New in school, Mia is quickly in tight with the hot chicks, but unfortunately for her, puberty hits like a bitch. For reasons unknown, she’s slowly turning into a mermaid. For starters, she keeps eating her mom’s goldfish straight from the tank. Then her toes fuse and her legs start to get scaly. This coming of age story was loaded with sex and drugs, and was German with subs. I liked it. I maybe even loved it.

They’re Playing with Fire (1984) Sybil Danning is a college professor who sleeps with a student, but it looks like she and her husband (Andrew Prine) are setting him up as a patsy when they ask him to break in his crusty-old grandma’s mansion, who promptly gets her head blown off with a shotgun. This bad plot mess had equal parts sex comedy, whodunnit and even slasher, as there were several brutal kills! Surprise baseball bat clubbing from Santa hiding in the closet! Sybil disrobes several times, she was at her peak! I was half mad at the lack of logic, then also pleased with the nudity and violence. Get some popcorn and forget about it.

Girls Nite Out (1982) A college basketball mascot-bear is loose on campus during and mauls several young women during the midnight scavenger hunt. The bear had finger claws fashioned from steak knives, watch out Freddy! Lot’s of suspects, as half the basketball team got dumped by their girlfriends and were seen yelling about how all women are whores! I’d say the title was misleading, the male charterers were the leads, and the girls were on campus looking for scavenger hunt item, I wouldn’t exactly call it a night out. For some reason, Hal Holbrook was in this (well, probably because they cast his dofus son), and the soundtrack was loaded with Lovin’ Spoonful songs.

Dead and Breakfast (2004) Some young adults driving through Texas are stuck in a small town when when some zombie shit hits the fan in this gory redneck comedy. David Carradine has a cameo, his niece, Ever, was the lead. TWD’s Jeffrey Dean Morgan was the sheriff and Oz (son of Anthony and soon to be director of The Blackcoat’s Daughter) Perkins was the main zombie. The zombies talked in this one. Also with a singing narrator, similar to what Jonathan Richman was doing in Something About Mary. I thought this was hilarious 15 years ago. Not so much this time. Oh well.

The Boodthirsty Trilogy, or as I would call it, The Toho Dracula Trilogy

Bloodsucking Doll aka Legacy of Dracula (1970) A young man goes to visit his girlfriend's home after a six months away, to find she has been killed in an auto accident. While visiting her grave, he sees her, pale face, golden eyes and bloody hand. He disappears, and soon his sister and her boyfriend follow the same trail to find him. IMDB has the running time listed as 85 minutes but every version I can find is 71.

Lake of Dracula (1971) A woman recalls her repressed memories of meeting some vampires as a child when she meets the same vampires as an adult, while vacationing in a cabin by a lake. Her sister and friends soon fall victims, and she enlists the help of a doctor, who treated a victim with inexplicable symptoms. The women in this were very pretty.

Evil of Dracula (1974) A teacher being groomed to become the next principal at a remote girls college, discovers that all of the previous principals have been vampires! This was the only film in the trilogy that had any nudity, and a neat little flashback about how a shipwrecked Christian who renounced his god was responsible for bringing vampirism to Japan.

So all three of these were pretty light on plot, but good on atmosphere and make-up. I'd seen them once about 10 years ago when I first found out that Toho had produced three Japanese Dracula movies in the 70s. They aren't bad, but they certainly aren't "must-see" either.
Last edited by tepista on 26 Mar 2021, 1:20pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: movies

Post by tepista »

Assuming very few people are going to seek the Ilsa movies, here's the spoiler endings, if wanted.

She Wolf of the SS: Ilsa is tied to the bed by her lover when the inmates take over and shoot most of the nazis. Other nazis are on the way to rescue, but we learn that with allies coming soon, their orders are to make as if the camp never existed. Ilsa thinks she's rescued by a nazi soldier, but he guns her down on the bed and burns the camp to the ground.

Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks: Ilsa served the king while she kept the adolescent prince and rightful heir to the throne in a dungeon pit. When the king humiliates her, she successfully plots his assassination and rescues the prince. As a reward for saving him, he spares her life...and sentences to live her days in the same pit that she held him in for all these years.

The Wicked Warden: Despite not a single indication that any of the prisoners had any cannibalistic instincts, let alone all of them, the inmates all tear Ilsa to shreds with their teeth and devour her flesh.

The Tigress of Siberia: She crashes her snowmobile in a chase, shattering her legs. Her rival stops as she offers him a suitcase of cash to help her, as she will surely freeze to death in this climate. He leaves her to freeze and she is seen burning the cash for warmth as the credits roll. The burning snowmobile was only 20 feet away, I don't know why she didn't use that fire first.
We reach the parts other combos cannot reach
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